Buford
by Tallest Phoenix
Summary: This series of oneshots takes a look into the tough guy with a heart of rock candy, Buford VanStromm.
1. Ginger kids

**I had to do this. I had to. Buford's my second favorite character, and he definitely doesn't get too much love in the fan community. This takes place about 5 years from the series, which would make him and the others my age. Reason is, I wanna draw them as teens. So bad. Humor me.**

Fear Number one: Gingers

The day had come when the ninth grade speech class had to write about their biggest fear. Our group was sitting around, practicing reading them to each other.

"Oh…" Phineas's eyes opened wide. "WOW, Ferb. You seriously wrote that… for _class_?"

A nod.

"Well… It IS pretty scary. But do you think they'll let you read that… y'know. In _school_?"

Another nod.

Isabella shivered. "I can see being afraid of it. But how did you even come up with that?"

"Silent Hill," answered Ferb matter-of-factly, as if those two words answered all.

Phineas nodded, apparently reading his brother's previous response. "Okay. That explains it. Your turn, Buford."

Buford winced. He had been dreading this from the start. He tried to make up excuses not to read, but even that had only delayed him to going last.

His fear was humiliating. A tough guy like him had a rep to look after, certain appearances to keep up. If anyone found out, Buford would be ruined.

But the worst part?

_They _could be watching.

Buford gulped, making his way to the front. His eyes travelled nervously across the small crowd before him. First to Baljeet, a curious, almost sly grin across his tan face. To Ferb, eyeing him with the same intense, emotionless stare as always. To Phineas, eagerly looking up, and lastly, Isabella, just as eagerly looking at Phineas. Buford blinked away, unable to take it any longer.

"Uh… Okay…" He stammered. "My speech is on… on… It's…"

Baljeet, Phineas, and Isabella leaned further in, intrigued. Ferb stayed the same, yet raised one eyebrow questioningly.

"I… The… Y'see…. It…"

"Come on, Buford! Spit it out!"

"Uh… I, uh…"

"Buford!"

Buford finally broke. "Okay, okay!" he blurted. "The thing I fear most is…" Buford looked around nervously, then continued. "…gingers."

Phineas raised an eyebrow. "What's a ginger?"

"You mean my old friend from Fireside Girls?" asked Isabella.

"A tuber that is consumed whole as a delicacy, medicine, or spice," stated Ferb monotonously.

Buford sighed. "No! A ginger is someone with red hair, pale skin, and freckles!"

"…So?"

"So what?"

"So why are you afraid of them?" asked Phineas.

"WHY?!" gasped Buford. "They HAVE NO SOULS!!"

"That's not nice to say," said Isabella, frowning.

"It doesn't matter if it's nice!! It's TRUE!!"

"Well…" said Phineas. "I have red hair."

Buford sighed. They obviously didn't get it. "Then you're a Daywalker! You have red hair but no pale skin or freckles."

"I _kind _of have freckles."

"Yeah, Buford," said Isabella. "Phineas has some freckles."

"But no pale skin!"

"I guess…" Phineas glanced at his brother, then back to Buford. "I'm not as tan as Ferb though. Or Baljeet. Or-"

"You're NOT a ginger, okay?!" Buford face-palmed. "You're not!"

"How can you tell, though?"

"Do you have a soul?" asked Buford, calmly.

"I… think so."

Ferb placed a hand on Phineas's head lovingly. "Definitely."

"THEN SHUT YOUR FREAKING DAYWALKER MOUTH!!"

Ferb glared at Buford. "Are you yelling at my brother?"

"Only because he…" He drifted off, remembering the time back in fourth grade when Ferb paralyzed Buford completely just by pinching a pressure point on his neck. "Uh, no. No I wasn't."

Ferb nodded, as if to say 'That's what I thought'.

Buford's SECOND greatest fear.

Ferb Thomas Fletcher. Age 15.

**End of first chapter. This shall be fun.**

**By the way, the reason that Baljeet was being so quiet was because he was having too much fun just watching.**

**Note: This author has nothing against gingers. It was based on something else. If you are a ginger, please do not be offended, because he really means nothing by it, and why am I talking in third person? **


	2. Biff, RIP

**I LOVE ORANGE SODA.**

**Anyway, despite my love for brightly colored soft drinks, this chapter was sparked by Buford's love of his dear pet Biff… And the fact that goldfishes don't really live that long.**

Fear number two: Loss

Something seemed to be wrong with Buford that day. He kept to himself, not saying a word to anyone. He was even ignoring Baljeet, a surprising fact.

"Hey… Does anybody notice something… wrong with Buford?" asked Phineas. "He's seeming kinda down."

"What do you mean?" asked Isabella.

"He hasn't called me 'Dinner Bell' all day," He looked over at Buford, who was sitting under a tree moping. "Come to think of it, he hasn't said _anything _all day."

"Yeah…" Isabella's eyebrows kneaded in concern. "I sure hope he's okay."

"Do you know anything about this, Baljeet?"

Baljeet didn't look up from the book he was reading. "Why would I?"

Phineas shrugged. "I dunno. You guys _are _pretty close. I thought he would've told you something."

"He _didn't_," said Baljeet, with an almost annoyed tone to his voice.

Baljeet was bothered, not because of Phineas, or because he didn't want to deal with it. Phineas was right. Buford usually told him everything, so why not this time? Baljeet was more than a little hurt.

"Somebody should really go talk to him," said Isabella.

"Hey, Baljeet. Why don't you go?" suggested Phineas.

Baljeet looked up. "Me? Why me?"

"It's obvious, isn't it?" responded Ferb. "You're the one person that Buford ever confides in. If anyone is likely to find anything out, it's you."

Baljeet sighed. This was true. "All right. I will talk to him."

He walked over to where his friend was sitting. Buford glanced up, then returned his gaze to the grass below. "Hey," he mumbled.

"Is something bothering you?" asked Baljeet.

"No."

"Buford…"

A long pause. Then Buford sighed. "Okay. There's something bothering me. Happy now?"

Baljeet shook his head. "Tell me what it is."

Buford winced. "I… can't say it."

"Yes you can, Buford," insisted Bajeet.

"I…" Buford stopped, in an attempt to force the words out. "It… It's Biff!" he exclaimed, tears rolling freely down his cheeks. "Biff is _dead_, okay?!" He began to sob

Baljeet gasped. He remembered that Biff was Buford's mother's name. It struck him as odd that Buford would address her by her first name, but based on the lack of respect he showed towards other adults, it wasn't all too surprising.

"Oh, Buford... I… I am so sorry." Baljeet patted him on the back. "If there is anything that I can do-"

"Hug?" sniffed Buford.

Baljeet sighed. "Of course."

Buford sobbed into the smaller boy's arms for all of about fifteen minutes.

Eventually Baljeet went back over to where the others were.

"So did you figure out what was wrong?" asked Phineas.

Baljeet sighed, nodding solemnly. "Yes."

"Well?"

"His… mother died."

The group showed shock and concern.

Phineas had never been without a mother. Linda had raised him and Candace as a single parent until he was three years old. She was always there, and Phineas couldn't even imagine losing her.

Ferb's mother died when he was about two, just old enough for him to know who she was, but not old enough to know _her_. Linda was nice, and while Ferb considered her his mother, she still couldn't fill the void. He understood perfectly the pain Buford was feeling.

Isabella had no real experience with grief or loss. Both her parents were alive and well, along with her grandparents, her friends, and her pets. It bothered her that a friend of hers was suffering in a way that she never had, and more than likely never would, at least not until she was much older.

"That's…" Isabella searched in her mind for a word strong enough, but couldn't find one.

"Wow…" said Phineas. "So that's why he's been so upset. Poor guy."

Ferb showed obvious concern on his usually blank face.

"So… What should we do?"

"I don't know, but here he comes."

Sure enough, Buford was shuffling up, red-faced from crying, his head hung low. "Hey, guys…"

"Hey, dude," said Phineas quietly.

"I guess 'Jeet told you?"

"Yeah. We're all really sorry."

Buford sighed. "It's been rough. I don't know how I'm gonna get through this."

Isabella patted him on the back. "You will. I promise."

Buford half-smiled. "Yeah?"

Isabella held up her hand in oath, grinning. "Fireside Girls' honor."

Buford scruffed Isabella's hair. "I gotta be alone for awhile." With that, he left.

Baljeet followed him. "Are you okay, Buford?"

The taller boy sighed. "Yeah. I guess so. It's just… I still can't believe Biff's gone."

"It will be alright."

"Thanks for being there, Jeet. I owe ya." Buford crossed his arms. "Ma didn't get why I was so upset. She wanted to just throw him away."

Baljeet blinked. "What? Throw who away?"

"Biff. You know. My fish."

"Huh?"

"He died, remember."

Baljeet jumped back, shocked. "_Biff _was your _fish_?!"

Buford nodded sadly. "And a good fish he was."

Baljeet growled. "I cannot BELIEVE this! You had me going for a FISH?!!"

Buford blinked. "Well, yeah. I told you he was dead."

"I THOUGHT YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT YOUR MOTHER!!"

"Why would you think that?"

"Grraghh!!" Baljeet turned around, crossing his arms.

Buford let out a depressed little sigh. "I knew you wouldn't get it."

Baljeet calmed down some, eventually turning around. "Get what?"

This time, Buford was the one to turn around, wanting to hide his tears. "Exactly!" he yelled. He sighed. "My dad left. My brother got shot. Pretty much everyone who's ever had to deal with me either died or got sick of it and left." Buford's shoulders trembled. "I just can't lose anyone else!!"

Baljeet put a hand on his friend's shoulder. "You won't lose _me_."

Buford turned around and smiled. "…Thanks."

The two hugged. After awhile, they both broke away awkwardly.

"So, uh… No homo," said Buford quickly.

Buford nodded, smiling humorously. "Of course not."

After explaining the whole ordeal to their friends, the group sighed.

"Ohhh, okay," sighed Phineas. "I see. Yeah, That makes sense. Still, we're really sorry. Have you had the funeral yet?"

"Nope. Not yet."

"Then, Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today!"

**A little sappy on my part, I know. Still, it had to be done, just like giving a monkey a shower.**

…**You can easily tell that I write and draw my own manga, can't you? Yeah, most of what I do turns out this way. =A=**

**Next chapter: SUZY JOHNSON.**

**Candace and Buford: Eek!!**

**Phineas: I don't get it. She's just a cute little girl.**

**C and B: NO SHE'S NOT!!**

**Ferb: Still don't get it.**


	3. To Be Free from the Evil One

**I'm sleepy. But it's ten o'clock. I'm not going to bed at ten o'clock! How old am I, twelve? I'm gonna work on this some instead.**

**Note: In my fan-world, Perry was originally a human, but got changed into a platypus by Doofinshmirtz. Why do you think he's so obsessed with saying "Perry the ****Platypus****"? He's adding insult to injury. **

**After a long chain of events, Perry is restored to his original form.**

(Ex)Fear number three: Little Suzy Johnson

"Hey, Buford," said Phineas.

"Yeah, Dinner Bell?"

"About that fear speech you wrote earlier… Why didn't you write about Suzy Johnson?"

"Suzy?" asked Buford. "Why would I write about her?"

"I thought she was your greatest fear," said Phineas. Ferb nodded, adding emphasis.

A wide grin spread across Buford's face. "Oh-hoh… Not any more."

"What do you mean?"

Baljeet sighed. "Here we go again."

"Why, I'm SO glad you asked," said Buford happily. "Now that Suzy's been put in the crazy house for trying to kill her teacher…"

"Oh, right," said Ferb. "_That._"

"I don't have to be afraid anymore!" Buford threw both fists up in the air gleefully. "I'm FREE!!!"

About that time, an aqua-haired young man happened to walk in, minding his own business.

"PERRY!!"

Perry jumped.

"Guess what?!!" yelled Buford, throwing his arms around the Australian. "I'M FREE!!!"

Perry made a strange, frightened face as if to say "WTF?"

Buford finally released him to run around, flapping his arms excitedly. "I'm free I'm free I'm free I'm free I'M FREE!!"

Baljeet sighed. "He does this every time he hears Suzy's name."

"I'M FREEEEEE-" Buford was cut short from running full-speed into Jeremy.

"Oh, hey Buford," the blonde said. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm _free_."

Jeremy raised an eyebrow. "O… Kay. Not gonna ask about that one. Where's Candace?"

"Inside," answered Phineas. "Why?"

"I came over to ask if she wants to come to Suzy's big welcome home party."

Buford froze. "…What?"

"They're letting her come home for awhile to see if she improves any." Jeremy smiled. "I brought her with me, actually. Hey, Suzy!"

A short, middle school-aged girl with long blonde hair and a malicious grin walked through the gate to greet them. "Hi there. Long time no see."

Buford shrieked, jumping behind Ferb. "SIC HER!!!"

Ferb turned around to glare at him.

Suzy looked at Buford threateningly.

"NOOOOO!"

**No. No freedom for joo. LOL.**

**Next chapter… I dunno. Anything you guys wanna read? If not, I'll probably have it involve Ferb in some way. Those two don't interact enough, in my opinion.**


	4. The Day the Swines Flew

**I decided to make this chapter one of my personal fears. A huge one. Yeah… I tend to avoid sick people like the plague, especially if they're throwing up. I hate to say it, but once I spent an entire day keeping my brother at arms distance, and not going near our bathroom, because he threw up that morning. Just that MORNING, he was fine the rest of the day. Still. Can't be too careful. O.e**

Fear Number Four: Illness

The friends stood around in a hospital room surrounding the bed of a small, very ill redhead. Ferb sat next to him with his hand on the teen's forehead, half comfortingly, half protectively.

"Thanks for coming to see me guys," said Phineas weakly.

"Don't thank us!" said Isabella. "We wanted to! Really!"

"Really?"

"Really really! Right, guys?" Isabella turned to face the other three.

"Absolutely," said Baljeet.

"Eh," said Buford. "I ain't got nothing better to do."

Perry nodded. Now that he was a twenty year old human again, he was able to move back into his old agency dorm. He no longer had to rely on the Flynn-Fletchers to take care of him. In fact, Perry didn't really have to even visit them any more. But that would NOT be the case, if Perry could help it. They were still his family, and he still loved them. Phineas and Ferb were _his_ boys, and Perry had to be there to at least make sure nothing happened to them.

Phineas sighed. "Thanks. But I really hate not being able to do anything all day. It's really boring, and a total waste of time. I mean, think of everything we could've done if I hadn't been stuck here!"

"Maybe you could build a time machine or something," suggested Baljeet.

"Hey, great idea, Baljeet!" said Phineas happily. "Ferb, I know what we're gonna do…" He then erupted into a coughing fit.

"Are you okay, Phineas?!" asked Isabella.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

Ferb squeezed his shoulder gently. "Save your energy."

After Buford got a good look at Ferb, the green-haired Brit was obviously worn out. In actuality, his appearance hadn't changed too much, but with Ferb, the slightest clue of any outward expression was as drastic as anyone else screaming and making a scene. It was doubtful that he had left his brother's at all since he got sick.

"Did they figure out what was wrong?"

"The H2N1 virus," Ferb stated. "Barely got to it in time."

It took awhile for Buford's brain to fully catch up to what that meant, but once it did, his eyes grew extremely wide. He began to tremble like a leaf.

"S… S… S... S… Swine Flu?"

"Yes, Buford. That's what most people call it."

Buford leapt at least ten feet backwards. "SWINE FLU!!"

The others stared as Buford ran out of the room yelling "SWINE FLU!!" over and over.

Baljeet sighed. "Excuse me for a moment."

Meanwhile, Buford was running down the halls of the hospital, screaming hysterically. On his way, he grabbed several people, screaming to them.

"I'm sorry, son, but you can't-"

"AAAAAAHHH!!!"

"Just what-"

"AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!"

"Hey, do you know where the snack machine is?"

"AAAA, that way, AAAAHHH!!!"

He pulled out his cell phone, dialing Candace's number.

"Hello?"

"AAAAHHHH!!!!"

"Buford!"

"Huh?"

Baljeet had caught up to him. "What is wrong with you?!"

Buford gasped. "You were in the room! You're a CARRIER!!"

"_What_?"

He made a cross shape with his fingers. "Stay back!! The power of Christ repels you!!"

"Buford!"

"What?"

Baljeet sighed. "I am _not _a carrier. Phineas is no longer contagious."

"… Fo realz?"

"_Yes_, Buford," answered Baljeet. "Do you think that anyone would let us in if he were?"

"…No." Buford gasped. "But what about Ferb?!"

"…_Ferb_?"

"He was in there before we got there!!!"

Baljeet sighed. "Ferb is not a carrier, either. He would not come near us if that were the case."

"BUT FERB DOESN'T LIKE ME!!!"

"Why would you think that?"

"Because he never talks to me."

"_Buford!_"

"Okay, so that was a joke." Buford crossed his arms. "But seriously, the guy's got some kind of _vendetta _against me or somethin'."

Baljeet sighed. "You are just being paranoid! Buford, I promise. You will NOT get swine flu."

"…You promise?"

"Promise."

"…Promise?"

"FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!"

Buford sighed. "Okay."

The two then began to walk back to their friend's hospital room.

"…Ferb still doesn't like me."

"(sigh) I know, Buford."

**SWINE FLU!!!! LOL, just kidding.**

**While it IS a very serious issue, swine flu is easy and fun to joke about. Back in the fall of '09, when everybody was freaking out over it, me and my buds made it something of a running joke. Every now and then, someone would cough, and we would all yell swine flu. When someone was out, instead of telling everyone they got hit by a bus, we'd say they had swine flu. My friend once threw a stuffed pig at me, crying "SWINE FLEW!!"**

**Good times…**

**But really. Swine flu is really not all that fun. I've known people with it, and they have told me how much it sucks. **

**And it is for that reason and others that I am a complete and total germaphobe. There aren't many things I fear, but getting sick is definitely one of 'em. That, Al Roker, and clowns. (The movie **_**It **_**ruined them for me).**


	5. The Ferbinator

**This one, as promised, has a lot of Ferb in it. I've been foreshadowing this, though, haven't I? I can honestly see Buford calling Ferb 'Lurch', by the way. Although he's never done it in the actual show, I put it in, because I don't see him as the kind of guy to call anyone by their real name all the time.**

**P.S.: In case you care, I drove today. I very much like driving. I've said since I was about twelve that I didn't want to drive, that I'd hate it, blah blah. But I said that about texting, and NOW look at me. I text more than a teenage girl (sorry if that's sexist: in my experience, teenage girls tend to text a lot).**

Fear Number Five: Ferb Thomas Fletcher

Ferb Fletcher was always a very… interesting person.

First of all, that wasn't really his first name. No one knew who started calling him "Ferb", where it came from, or even what his real name was. Buford even doubted Ferb's own siblings knew.

His appearance was a bit odd as well. Ferb looked fairly normal. If anything, his face and build were too _perfect _to be normal. But, of course, it was the same for his stepbrother, and also Candace, as well. In their household, good looks were the norm.

But Ferb's hair and eye colors were unlike anything naturally occurring in nature. His hair was bright green, the exact shade of grass, and his eyes were a strange, almost alien shade of lavender.

However, the strangest thing about Ferb was his personality and mannerisms.

Ferb was silent most of the time, speaking only when spoken to, or whenever he had a point to get across or something else equally important to say. He generally showed no emotion at all, and when he did, it was usually something subtle, like a soft smile or a cold glare. The way he moved, even, was graceful, never stumbling, almost to the point of surrealism.

Ferb also did extremely weird things from time to time. Nothing too absurd or distracting, just little things, such as the way he occasionally would tear off pieces of his lunch bag and rip them into certain patterns, like swirls or zigzags. Then there was of course the almost OCD way he ate bologna sandwiches.

He never seemed to get close to anyone, either. The only one Ferb ever really had conversations with was his brother, Phineas, who he was almost _overly_-protective of. Occasionally, Ferb would be invited to something, or asked out by some stuttering young girl, but he would decline every time. He refused to go anywhere without Phineas.

There was one other important detail about Ferb Fletcher that few, if anyone, knew.

Buford VanStromm was completely, totally, unnaturally afraid of him.

Buford himself had no idea why. Ferb may have had height, but he was a toothpick compared to the boulder that was Buford. Not to mention the fact that Ferb by nature would never hurt anyone unless it was absolutely necessary, mostly out of wanting to avoid conflict.

It may have been due to the fact that Ferb once used the Vulcan nerve pinch on him after a brief conversation on sharks. Or how utterly terrifying Ferb was when angered. At those times, he sent out a vibe of "F- - with me, and you die."

The two had never really gotten along much, more than likely due to Ferb's stoic personality (enough to weird almost anyone out) and the one time Buford picked on Phineas (One time was all it took to anger Ferb).

Unfortunately, they were now…

…both having to stuff envelopes in the front office of their school.

It all started when Buford got in trouble for spray-painting "Skool sux" on the back wall of the gym. He might have even gotten away with it, if only he had had the common sense not to have signed his name on his handiwork in big, bright orange letters.

First, Buford had to clean up his mess. Then it was straight to the front office to help out, much like a community service sentence. He wasn't looking forward to it.

The worst part, however, was walking into the office, and finding Ferb sitting there, already getting to work.

"What?!" exclaimed Buford. "What are YOU doing here?!"

Ferb shrugged. "I have second period free."

"So?"

No answer. Typical of Ferb.

"Yeah. I just got busted." Buford sighed, sitting down.

The two went on in silence for awhile. After awhile, Ferb started slowing down some.

"Hey, what's the-" Buford stopped, noticing the half-asleep look on Ferb's face. He was obviously worn out.

The bell rang, ushering in third period, and Ferb got up and left.

Later on, at lunch, Buford noticed that Ferb wasn't at the table. But of course, that didn't make him care.

Isabella was playing on the internet with her phone, and Baljeet had at least two math books open, working.

"What you doing?" Buford asked him.

"Calculus."

Buford laughed.

"What?"

He poked Baljeet repeatedly, singing, "Baljeet is an over-achiever…"

"Stop that!"

Isabella sighed. "Buford, stop it."

They went back to silence for awhile. It was driving Buford to the very brink of insanity, so he had no choice but to break it.

"So, uh…" he started. "You guys know what happened to Lurch?"

"You _do _know Ferb would not like you calling him that?" asked Baljeet.

"Yeah, I know," said Buford. "I just don't care."

"To answer your question, though," replied Isabella, "He checked out to go see Phineas."

A long silence.

"You still haven't noticed that Phineas has been out of school for two weeks."

"Yeah… I'm not that observant."

"We know."

So Ferb cared a lot about his little brother. Almost like Buford's own, from what he remembered.

Buford would have to find Ferb later…

0-0-0

At the end of the day, Buford decided to go over to the Flynn-Fletcher house to see if he could find him. No one was there but Perry, lying flat on the ground, staring up at the sky.

Perry was almost as strange as his "brother", and twice as silent, but unlike Ferb, he was actually mute. He also typically showed more emotion than Ferb, using facial expression as his only form of communication.

"Hey! Perry!"

The Australian looked up.

"You know where Ferb is?"

Perry raised an eyebrow, frowning. _Why do __**you **__care to know?_

Buford sighed. "If you don't know, that's fine. Just askin'."

_You __**do **__know I can't talk?_

"You _do _know he can't talk?" asked an accented voice from behind him.

Buford spun around, to find Ferb standing right behind him. Buford jumped.

"Ah! What're you doing here?!"

Ferb raised an eyebrow. "This _is _my house. You'll find that I'm here a lot."

Buford sighed, rolling his eyes. "Yeah, yeah. I meant, what're you doing RIGHT HERE?"

"I could ask you the same question."

Buford paused awkwardly. "Well… Actually, I'm here to talk to you."

Ferb made a weird face, a mixture of surprise and skepticism.

Perry leapt to his feet, an awkward, shocked look on his face. _Oh, crap, is it getting gay in here? _With that, he dashed inside the house. _Wellll… Perry out. PEACE!_

"I… heard you've been in and out'a school a whole lot since Dinner Bell got sick."

Ferb nodded.

"You, uh…" Buford started. "You're a pretty good brother, huh?"

"I wouldn't say that much."

"It's true, though," said Buford. "Just so ya know."

There was a really long pause between that and Buford's next line.

"Y'know, I had a brother like you once," he said. "His name was Kevin. You wouldn't know him, though. He…" Buford cut himself off. "He was s'posed to be around Candace's age now."

Ferb gasped silently, then looked away.

"He was in gangs an' all. I guess he kinda asked for it." Buford sighed. "Still… He was one hell of a brother. The best. He looked out for me like…" He trailed off, looking at Ferb.

…_**Like you look out for Phineas.**_

Buford finally gathered his thoughts. "You'd better not let anything happen to you, limey boy, or else you'll be hearin' from me! You got that?"

"…" Ferb let a small smile slip onto his face and sighed. "I won't."

"Good! 'Cause I ain't gonna hear of no sad little brothers! Not on my watch!"

Ferb started to walk away.

"Hey, aren't you gonna invite me in?" asked Buford.

Ferb shook his head, not turning around. "No. No I'm not."

"What? But…" Buford was startled. "I thought this was, like, the big dramatic turning point! Where we start getting along!"

"I'm not Gaara. You're not Naruto. This isn't anime. So get over yourself," Ferb answered bluntly.

"I KNEW you didn't like me!!"

"I never said I didn't like you. I just don't trust you."

Buford pouted. "And why the hell not?!"

"Because you're too prone to violent acts and delinquent behavior for me to fully except you being anywhere near my younger brother. Not to mention that you've hurt him before."

"ONCE!! THAT WAS FIVE YEARS AGO!!"

Ferb sighed. "If you can prove to me that you won't do it again, as unlikely as that is, we can get along. Until then…" He shut the screen door in Buford's face.

"HEY!!" Buford banged on the door furiously.

Ferb then shut the wooden, inside door. Buford heard it locking and growled. Then he sighed, and eventually smiled. He started laughing.

"Yep, that's Ferb! Practically a Kevin clone…"

The second thing about Ferb was his amazing memory, and his ability to hold grudges.

**The end of fears. Next is on to random stuff, like a day in the life of Buford, and etc.**

**Ferb snapped on him, LOL. I just don't see him liking Buford all too much after the whole 'sharks' incident, or the thing before. **

**Kevin is my sorta-OC. I use him from time to time in Buford flashbacks, and as a ghost. I'm debating doing that in one chapter… Whatdya think? Kevin ghostie or no?**

**And I've also written a prologue for chapter 4, where Phineas actually gets sick. I'm gonna post it as the bonus chapter.**

**MAJOR props goes to all who reviewed this epic story (LOL), especially sunsetofdoom and RandomPeopleRox, the latter of which I would love to point out is a DAYWALKAH!! (points accusingly)**

…**LOL. **


	6. World War Two

**The fear arc is over. Now is time for other stuff, such as this.**

**I actually said this to someone. Unfortunately, it was a teacher, and I was yelled at.**

Buford VanStromm: History Buff

Phineas Flynn was finally back at school after a few weeks, much to Isabella's excitement, and Ferb's relief. He was still pretty weak, and had lost a lot of much-needed weight, but overall he was back to himself again.

Another good thing was that Phineas wouldn't have to take the history test the next day. The downside to this was that he had about three days to learn material it had taken the other students two weeks to learn.

The other upside was that he was indeed Phineas Flynn. He and Ferb were already making plans to build a machine the following weekend that would allow them to go back in time and see what happened, without making any changes to the past that would affect the present.

"But how do we get past the whole space-time continuum thing?" Phineas asked, half to himself, half to Ferb.

"Make-up test, huh?" asked Buford. "Y'know, I think I could help you out there."

"Huh?" asked Phineas. "You mean you know how to travel through time without-"

"No!" Buford sighed. "I meant the old-fashioned, people besides _you_ way."

Phineas blinked. "_You_ know about WW2, Buford?"

Buford crossed his arms, grinning smugly. "Don't act so surprised. I know that war."

"Okay," said Phineas. "Thanks."

"Do I know about WW2… Ha!" Then he began.

"Hitler was plotting to create a philosopher's stone and use it to make an army of homunculus turtles. That made the Ninja Turtles flip out, 'cause, you know, _turtles' rights, _and everything. Real activists, those TMNT.

"So instead, Hitler and the Legion of Doom decided to start a factory that converted Jews' magic into an energy source for their giant mecha version of Barbara Streisand. Together, they took over Poland, because a Polish guy once stole Hitler's girlfriend.

Britain declared war, because their prime minister wanted to take over Poland too. And the French came in and were all like 'Sacre bleu!! We declare war also!!' Eventually, they pussed out, 'cause they were all a bunch'a gay wine-freaks.

"Those guys pulled their money together and got a giant squid, and Russia called in Optimus Prime, 'cause Russians are cool and that's how they roll. Then they both went to fight mecha-Streisand. Japan wanted in on it, and so they sent over Godzilla to help mecha-Streisand out. And Italy… provided emotional support. And sold tickets. Then it was on like Donkey Kong. FREAKIN' AWESOME.

"Somehow Pearl Harbor got squished by Godzilla's foot, and all the Americans were super pissed off. So we sent a dolphin and a whale to go bomb Japan, and that's why Japanese people hate dolphins and whales so much."

Ginger, who happened to be nearby, nodded. "It's true. We do."

"We won the war by sending the Elric brothers to alchemize Hitler's ass, and all the Jews were freed from their Kryptonite prisons. Then the US sent Pacman to go eat all the enemy soldiers, and got that blonde chick from Fear Garden to go cut PACMAN to pieces afterwards, but she got really mad 'cause he didn't have any hands. But then that 'whoorrr' noise from Silent Hill- You know, the one you hear when it goes into a fight in the game, or to a friggin scary part in the movie?- played, and everything went black. Then Alessa said 'I'm a'firin' mah lazor!!!' and went shoop-da-woop on 'em. Then everybody died. The end."

There was a long silence.

Ferb put a hand on Phineas's shoulder, ushering him away. "Let's go ask Baljeet."

"We can still build the machine, though. Right?"

"Of course."

"HEY!!" Buford pouted. "There was nothing wrong with MY information."

"Yeah," said Ginger. "I didn't see anything."

"Thanks…" Buford stopped. "Uh..?"

"Ginger."

"Right. Thanks, Ginger." He looked over to see the Asian girl drawing something. "Hey, what's that?"

"N… Nothing!!" Ginger held it close to her chest, covering the picture.

"Lemme see it."

"No, you can't!!"

"Why not?"

"Because!!"

"Gimme that!!"

"No!!"

"…Is that…"

"…"

"…me and Baljeet?"

"No…"

"…"

"… At least you're topping."

The next day was the history test. Buford got his paper back to find that he missed all the questions. His teacher wrote a note on the front page that said:

"_Have you considered getting published?"_

**Yes, an epic fail. **

**I put Ginger as yaoi-nut, like my dear friend Blaire. Ah, Blaire… She's lucky to be alive now, from all the times she's done that sort of thing at the wrong time, to the wrong people. **

**Next chapter… IDK.**


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